It's Oscar Night - Awards Show Junkies Unite

It's 11:33 a.m. CST, and E! has already started it's red carpet coverage. Let me repeat, E! is my Oscar coverage dealer, and understands my need to have at least eight hours of pre-Oscar fix before the giant shoot-up begins. Followed by two more hours of post-Oscar party fever. After which, I will fall back on the sofa and revel in the precious hours of my life that I have invested in my pal Oscar.

Alas, I have found a reveler in kind. Each day I receive my awards show report via Google, which helps with blog entry ideas. Imagine my surprise when yesterday up popped a fellow awards show junkie. Rebecca Keister, staff writer for the Sun Chronicle, expressed her similar obsession with awards show viewing. She doesn't realize it yet, but I feel like we're journalistic mental twins. Hopefully she'll leave a comment on Monday morning, once she recovers from her Academy Award sized hangover. Either that or she'll be filing a protective order.

Cheerie-O!

We've Got the Spirit (Awards), Yes We Do

In case you haven't heard, Oscar's big night is approaching at break neck speed. The stage is set for hours upon hours of glitz and glamour and laughter (thanks, Ellen!) and tears. But if your stomache hurts and your head is spinning from all the hype, campaigning and prognosticating then tune in to Spirit Awards quietly airing the night before. Rooting for the little guy is easy as pie, as they're all "the little guy". So sit back and enjoy a low-key, but equally as relevant night of film airing on the Independet Film Channel (IFC). The most notable categories are the two "first" categories that will honor the efforts of a director/producer team and screenwriter's first film. Delicious!

SPECIAL NOTE: Netflix has been a bit promiscuous this award season, cuz their shackin' up with the Spirit's as well!

Netflix and Oscar: A Match Made in Heaven

As an avid fan of Netflix for several years (after nearly losing my house to Blockbuster due to extensive late fees), it behooves me that other video rental agencies are attempting to infringe upon Netflix's ingenious idea to mail me movies. Am I in support of a movie rental-by-mail monopoly? Yes, yes I am.

My dreams aside, rather than stoop to the level of those "other" video rental facilities, Netflix has risen to the occasion and jumped in the sack with the most respected and anticipated annual award show programming - the Academy Awards.

The term "strange bedfellows" does not apply here. In fact there could not be two more appropriate film lovers snuggling up under the covers with a giant bowl of popcorn than Netflix and Oscar. The campaign is huge and if you want to get in on the fun, the audience participation portion information can be found here.

Sheena Metal on the Award Train

I came across this article by Sheena Metal, a woman with music industry know-how. It explored the concept that few people go from obscurity to Grammy's overnight, and that any publicity generating activity should be carefully considered and mapped out. While the focus of her article is on maximizing award exposure for bands, it easily translates to any industry. A nomination with no win is cause for celebration, not shame. What better opportunity to issue a press release than making it as a finalist in a screenwriting competition or a band member garnering a nomination for his guitar prowess. It is all reason to write home about AND gain a little publicity. Thanks Sheena for your great advice! I'll be issuing a press release once my blog gains 50 readers a day! Whoo-hooo!

The Upside of Brain Damage - Smoking Cessation

You've chewed the gum, worn the patch, walked the steps and even smeared on the hand gel. Now your skin is smooth as a baby's behind, but its still clutching the butt end of a cigarette. Left with a deep sense of frustration and self-loathing (admit it all you traditionally inclined addicts out there, you blame everyone else but yourself), you'll go to any length, and I mean any length to quit. A new study has revealed that a small area of the brain called the insula, is the nerve center of addiction. While this is good news to scientists, it's not such great news for current smokers. The only way to create the desired effect is to damage this part of the brain in a fairly traumatic event, such as a stroke. With all hopes dashed, I feebly light up and announce the award for today's most useless scientific finding goes to the University of Southern California. Since I will be accepting the award on USC's behalf, I'd like to thank Studio 60 for planting the idea of useless scientific findings.

[Source] Fox News

Will Carrie Underwood Score on Grammy Night?

One might say I've had gamblin' on the brain since my review of Casinomeister's Best and Worst of 2006. In that vain, all bets are on that Carrie Underwood will take home the Best New Artist Grammy on February 11, 2007. Thanks to her overwhelming popularity on American Idol last season and her phenomenal rise in the Billboard Charts with her debut album Some Hearts, she appears to be the favored winner. According to BestBetting , Underwood has a slight edge over James Blunt, and has held this position since December 2006.

One-third of the bets have been placed on Corinne Bailey Rae, who has also had a stellar year with her fresh baby-jazz vocals and playful lyrics on her hit single "Put Your Records On". But a win by Rae would be an upset on the same level as Norah Jones' win for Best Album of the Year in 2003 over Bruce Sprinsteen. Not the exact same level, but close.

My prediction confidence has grown to near unrecognizable heights since accurately predicting Underwood would take home two of her four CMA Award nominations. How do I think she'll fair in the Best Female Country Vocal Performance, in which she's nominated against heavy hitters Gretchen Wilson and Martina McBride? Let's just say I believe this will be Wilson's to lose, but the viewing public won't be horrified if Underwood secures another win.

Casinomeister Names Best and Worst of 2006

The Unlawful Internet Gambling Act has not dampened the spirits of online gambling websites, and has energized Casinomeister to bestow recognition with the "...only Awards that Matter". Without further ado we delve into the previously untouched arena of casino awards:

A lawsuit was bound to be brewing in the Evil Player category of 2006, but disaster was averted by handing the award over to all evil players everywhere. Previous winners with "evil" in their monikers cried out for nomination and deservedly so, causing casinos to tighten security for evil and angelic players alike.

One way to jam a craw in the jaw of an annoying forum member is to ban them from your site for all eternity. Another is to give them the title Most Annoying Forum Member to wear like a crown of victory over all who doubted their status as "King of Annoyancropolis". Thesmacker is undoubtedly wearing said crown in an extended three-way conversation...with himself.

In a bold move, Casinomeister added the category for Most Bizarre Press Release of 2006, and the winner's press release (CasinoFortune.com) is admittedly very bizarre. But an award for a press release is so bizarre, it borders on groundbreaking. The award for Most Creative but Admittedly Bizarre Category goes to Casinomeister.

You may win big at an online casino, but collecting your winnings in a timely manner is another story. If retroactively changing your payout policy is common practice in the online gambling industry, I'd say its time for a little class action, action. At the very least the Worst Player Experience Runner-up may benefit from an investigation into his claims, and a good attorney.

And finally, in the winner-takes-all category of Best Casino 2006, the award goes to 32Red Casino in a four-year-running record landslide. As can be imagined, a successful online gambling establishment should exude trustworthiness and banish even the slightest inkling of rogue behavior from its collective thought process. See ya next year, and here's hoping 32Red Casino doesn't reappear in Casinomeister's Fall From Grace category. That would be one mighty plunge.

Self-Injurious Moments of 2006 Awards Season

Without some minor injuries, your favorite awards shows would barely be watchable. Here's a few oozing scabs to pick at:

• Writer Annie Proulx wrote a short story back in 1997 that resulted in a film called Brokeback Mountain, which was nominated for the Best Picture Oscar in 2006. She thought it should have won that award. It did not. We’re all entitled to our opinion. Her blast of all things Academy can be viewed here.
  
  
• Conan O'Brien brought on the funny during the opening sequence of the 58th Annual Emmy Awards, including a controversial nod to the absence of a nomination for ABC's TV series Lost. Unfortunately, Comair Flight 5191 crashed earlier in the day and ruined everything.
  
  
• Carrie Underwood takes home two CMA Awards. Faith Hill takes home the Practical-Joke-Gone-Horribly-Wrong Award, by faking astonishment when Underwood won Female Vocalist of the Year. No longer wondering why Tim McGraw gets all the acting gigs in the family, are ya? Keith Urban missed all the antics while he was recovering in rehab.
  
  
• Despite giving out an award for Ringtone of the Year and featuring Shakira in a performance where only her hips were telling the truth, the MTV Music Video Awards had a disappointing television viewer turnout in 2006. To what can we contribute the loss of nearly half the 2004 viewing audience? Famine? The more likely culprit; the omission of the Breakthrough Video category.

In honor of all things outrageous, I present the following award absurdity:

Two South African rugby players, Ben Zimry and Wayne Matthee are suspects in the pummeling and kicking death of opposing player Riaan Loots. Both players were subsequently presented with a player of the year and backline player of the year at the Delicious Rugby Club's award benefit. All things equal, the award goes to the player with the highest death toll.

Good riddance, 2006 with all your bleeding wounds of entertainment.

Six Degrees of Oscar Separation in Quotes

The official Oscar commemorative poster has been released, opening the way for a walk down memory lane. As we speak, I am waiting for the Academy to grant permission to put the pic of the poster right here on my delightful blog. But while we're waiting, let's relive my top four favorite movie lines. And be prepared for the impending quotable line montage that we all know will be a part of the nostalgia-loving Academy Awards show, airing on February 25, 2007.

UPDATE: The process for me to obtain press status for the Academy Award poster pic has been far to complex for my wee little brain to handle at this juncture. So I will provide you with a description that you can envision while closing your eyes. Please refrain from closing your eyes until after you have read this post, however.

POSTER VISUALIZATION EXERCISE: Close your eyes and picture a giant golden statuette in the likeness of Oscar. Not Oscar the Grouch. Now picture a dark background (possibly black)with memorable quotes from some of Hollywood's most award winning movies in various font sizes and a stunning golden hue. Lovely, isn't it? Finally, envision this poster hovering, preferrably left margin justified, above this blog entry. There. No special press authorization required.

While not all quotes come directly from an Oscar nominated/winning film or performance, six degrees of separation will prevail, linking every one to Academy Award infamy.

"I'm not a hole in the wall, I'm Rollergirl." from Boogie Nights

• Paul Thomas Anderson was nominated in the Best Writing category for the Boogie Nights screenplay (ok, that one was easy!)

"Fat guy in little coat" from Tommy Boy

• Brian Dennehy played Big Tom Callahan in Tommy Boy
• Dennehy played Ted Montague in Romeo + Juliet
• Romeo + Juliet received an Oscar nom for Best Art Direction

"Why am I Mr. Pink?" from Resevoir Dogs

• Mr. Pink was played by Steve Buscemi
• Buscemi played the role of Garland "the Marietta Mangler" Greene in Con Air
• "How Do I Live" the theme from Con Air, was nominated in the Best Song Category

"I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads!" from Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

• The Austin Powers film series is a parody of the James Bond film series
• From 1962-1967 and again in 1971 Sean Connery played the role of our favorite 007, Bond, James Bond
• Sean Connery won the Oscar for Best Actor in a Supporting Role for his turn as Jim Malone in The Untouchables

And there you have it, my favorite movie quotes and their connection to Oscar. What about you, my loyal reading public? Do you have any favorite movie lines with a dubious Oscar connection? Have at it! If you are having trouble with the visualization exercise, then take your existentialism-lacking ass to the poster website.

MySpace to Honor Do-gooders with Impact Awards

In an effort to cast aside its image as a festering cesspool of child predators and meeting ground for bed-hopping teens, MySpace has created the Impact Awards. These awards are intended to recognize members of the infamous social/community portal that have used their MySpace powers for good.

If you know of someone who is a MySpace member and has made an impact in one of six categories (community-building, health and safety, social justice, poverty relief, environmentalism and international development) using their MySpace account, then you can nominate them here. And in case you were wondering, yes, the Impact Awards have friends, too.

Fox Awards Reality with Reality Remix Really Awards

Say that five times fast. Not sure what the word "really" is doing in the title, except to attempt the most ridiculous, retch-inducing, random act of allite-ration in the history of award show programming. Well done, Fox, well done.

Kennedy, of MTV fame hosted the night. Poor Kennedy. Where did your career go wrong? The stars (erp) from Laguna Beach were too busy, either preparing to shoot the upcoming season or continuing to sully the good name of the real Laguna Beach, to show up for the ceremony. Shame, shame.

A drunken may lay ensued (expected), and awards were dolled out in the following manner:

Favorite Fight winner - Pumpkin vs New York on Flavor of Love
Favorite Pottymouth winner - Janice Dickinson on the Surreal Life
Favorite Tears winner - Andrae Gonzalo from Project Runway
Best Shomance winner - Mike Boogie & Dr Will Kirby from Big Brother All Stars
Favorite Winner winner - BJ Averell & Tyler MacNiven from the Amazing Race
Best Hottie winner - Katherine McPhee from American Idol
Favorite Villain winner - Dr Will Kirby from Big Brother All Stars
Favorite Judge winner - Carrie Ann Inaba from Dancing With the Stars
Favorite Altered State winner - Lisa DAmato from America's Next Top Model
Favorite Reality Show winner - American Idol
Favorite Non-comp Series winner - Real World Key West & Surreal Life
Favorite Competition Show winner - Big Brother All Stars
Most Memorable Reality Performer winner - Johnny Fairplay from Survivor

[Source] Realityblurred.com
[Source] Tvgasm.com

Blogcritics Gets Hip, Crisp New Look

As a new writer for Blogcritics, I was just learning to navigate my way around the site and get a feel for where the articles and topics I enjoy were located. Then, WHAM-BAM they up and changed everything. A change for the better as it turns out. The redesign leaves you with a fresh, clean feeling.... well I don't like where this is going!? What I'm really trying to convey is how the same great writers and personality can still be found at Blogcritics. You want reviews on music, literature or movies. They still have reviews. Looking for the mental_floss Q of the Day. It's still there to tickle your sense of inquisitiveness. It's always nice to see a site raise the bar, rather than get all comfy with the same tired look. Now the bar is so high I can barely see it. But I'm only 5'1", you'll probably have better luck. So head on over that way and you be the judge. The award for best redesign on a website, ever...goes to Blogcritics!

Academy Award Trivia

As a lover of all things Oscar, I took O'Neil's Oscar Trivia Quiz and scored 77%. Ouch. Hey wait, that's a solid "C". I will not hang my head in shame. Take the quiz yourself smarty-pants and see how well you do.

Runaway Bride Wants Divorce

The award for most delusional non-celebrity goes to Jennifer Wilbanks, a.k.a. The Runaway Bride. She's had some time to think while completing her stint as server of the community, and what she's come to realize is that mowing lawns is no way to make a living. Unfortunately, the right to sue for half of everything your significant other owns is reserved for those couples who actually made it down the aisle. The award for most delusional celebrity goes to Mel Gibson.

[Source]

American Takes Sixth Nobel

Nobel Prize winning Americans unite!! Congrats to Edmund S. Phelps who was awarded the 2006 Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Sciences. There are two awards left, the literature and peace prizes, and the Americans are looking for a sweeeeeeep! I'm ready to let the news that Canada won the 2005 Dumbest Government of the Year award, go. For more news on the Nobel Prize go here or here.

[Source]

Rewarding Stupidity

The winners for 4th Annual World Stupidity Awards have been revealed! I love that there are awards for stupidity! I love that there is an actual ceremony and that awards are accepted on the winners behalf because the winner was not in attendance. I love that President Bush has his own category of stupid statements so he's guaranteed to win. I love that Bulgaria is pissed that they didn't win any awards and snark about it here. Only area for improvement regarding the stupidity awards is to bring back the Dumbest Governement of the Year award. The Canadians took it from us last year; I think we have a chance to knock them off their high horse, and reclaim victory for our proud nation.

[Source]

Conspiracy theory: AMA tickets not available

The American Music Awards, one of the few legit award shows that allows the public to select the winners, is apparently barring the public from joining in the festivities at the Shrine Auditorium. In previous years, tickets for floor or balcony seating were available through Ticketmaster or various online brokers. After a thorough search of the internet, it appears that no tickets are available anywhere?? I have sent a request for pricing information to TotalTickets.com to see if they actually have tickets available. I also sent a request to abc.com for information regarding the availability of tickets to the show. If you have information that can unravel this mystery, let me know!

UPDATE: I spoke with Melissa at Dick Clark Productions and she assured me that tickets would be available in the next 2-3 weeks through TicketMaster.

[Source]

Popeye was wrong

The award for the most unhealthy healthy food goes to spinach! The award for most creative color coding of a visual goes to CNN. I guess soilent green is spinach, not people. Blech!

[Source]

Dory's voice to Oscar host

A few hours ago, I was blow drying my hair thinking about how the Academy Awards could possibly get any better. This also got me thinking what a great brainstorming activity blow drying my hair is and that I should consider washing my hair more often. Not freakish OCD often, but more than twice a week should give me ample weekly brainstorming time. But I digress. There is always room for improvement, even where the Academy Awards are concerned. Perhaps Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie could get married during the telecast, or a drunken Mel Gibson would rush the stage and flash photos of baby Suri. Or maybe, just maybe Ellen DeGeneres could host! Now I realize that Ellen DeGeneres as host seems too good to be true, and when I think of something that's too good to be true I frequently replay the ol' when something seems too good to be true it probably is adage in my mind. In this case Ellen DeGeneres as host of the 79th Academy Awards seems too good to be true, but it IS true. Which leads me to the power of positive thinking, which also seems too good to be true. By the way, lovely photo on the press release, Ellen!

Celebrity moms beware!

Katie, quit you're whining! Suri, we want to see you now!! Lun Lun (pronounced loon-loon), you are the kinda celebrity mom that we dream about! You lay in your little panda nest and have your baby on display for all the world to see immediately following a very noisy birth. With a live camera on you 24/7 , we watch your every stretch and stroke as you cuddle your tiny infant, encouraging and coaxing it to nurse. So the award for most fabulous celebrity mom goes to Lun Lun at the Atlanta Zoo! We anxiously anticipate the tiny panda baby's name, but we bet it won't be Suri. You can watch the live feed here.