Self-Injurious Moments of 2006 Awards Season

Without some minor injuries, your favorite awards shows would barely be watchable. Here's a few oozing scabs to pick at:

• Writer Annie Proulx wrote a short story back in 1997 that resulted in a film called Brokeback Mountain, which was nominated for the Best Picture Oscar in 2006. She thought it should have won that award. It did not. We’re all entitled to our opinion. Her blast of all things Academy can be viewed here.
  
  
• Conan O'Brien brought on the funny during the opening sequence of the 58th Annual Emmy Awards, including a controversial nod to the absence of a nomination for ABC's TV series Lost. Unfortunately, Comair Flight 5191 crashed earlier in the day and ruined everything.
  
  
• Carrie Underwood takes home two CMA Awards. Faith Hill takes home the Practical-Joke-Gone-Horribly-Wrong Award, by faking astonishment when Underwood won Female Vocalist of the Year. No longer wondering why Tim McGraw gets all the acting gigs in the family, are ya? Keith Urban missed all the antics while he was recovering in rehab.
  
  
• Despite giving out an award for Ringtone of the Year and featuring Shakira in a performance where only her hips were telling the truth, the MTV Music Video Awards had a disappointing television viewer turnout in 2006. To what can we contribute the loss of nearly half the 2004 viewing audience? Famine? The more likely culprit; the omission of the Breakthrough Video category.

In honor of all things outrageous, I present the following award absurdity:

Two South African rugby players, Ben Zimry and Wayne Matthee are suspects in the pummeling and kicking death of opposing player Riaan Loots. Both players were subsequently presented with a player of the year and backline player of the year at the Delicious Rugby Club's award benefit. All things equal, the award goes to the player with the highest death toll.

Good riddance, 2006 with all your bleeding wounds of entertainment.

Six Degrees of Oscar Separation in Quotes

The official Oscar commemorative poster has been released, opening the way for a walk down memory lane. As we speak, I am waiting for the Academy to grant permission to put the pic of the poster right here on my delightful blog. But while we're waiting, let's relive my top four favorite movie lines. And be prepared for the impending quotable line montage that we all know will be a part of the nostalgia-loving Academy Awards show, airing on February 25, 2007.

UPDATE: The process for me to obtain press status for the Academy Award poster pic has been far to complex for my wee little brain to handle at this juncture. So I will provide you with a description that you can envision while closing your eyes. Please refrain from closing your eyes until after you have read this post, however.

POSTER VISUALIZATION EXERCISE: Close your eyes and picture a giant golden statuette in the likeness of Oscar. Not Oscar the Grouch. Now picture a dark background (possibly black)with memorable quotes from some of Hollywood's most award winning movies in various font sizes and a stunning golden hue. Lovely, isn't it? Finally, envision this poster hovering, preferrably left margin justified, above this blog entry. There. No special press authorization required.

While not all quotes come directly from an Oscar nominated/winning film or performance, six degrees of separation will prevail, linking every one to Academy Award infamy.

"I'm not a hole in the wall, I'm Rollergirl." from Boogie Nights

• Paul Thomas Anderson was nominated in the Best Writing category for the Boogie Nights screenplay (ok, that one was easy!)

"Fat guy in little coat" from Tommy Boy

• Brian Dennehy played Big Tom Callahan in Tommy Boy
• Dennehy played Ted Montague in Romeo + Juliet
• Romeo + Juliet received an Oscar nom for Best Art Direction

"Why am I Mr. Pink?" from Resevoir Dogs

• Mr. Pink was played by Steve Buscemi
• Buscemi played the role of Garland "the Marietta Mangler" Greene in Con Air
• "How Do I Live" the theme from Con Air, was nominated in the Best Song Category

"I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads!" from Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

• The Austin Powers film series is a parody of the James Bond film series
• From 1962-1967 and again in 1971 Sean Connery played the role of our favorite 007, Bond, James Bond
• Sean Connery won the Oscar for Best Actor in a Supporting Role for his turn as Jim Malone in The Untouchables

And there you have it, my favorite movie quotes and their connection to Oscar. What about you, my loyal reading public? Do you have any favorite movie lines with a dubious Oscar connection? Have at it! If you are having trouble with the visualization exercise, then take your existentialism-lacking ass to the poster website.